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How to hide your food from FEMA and other thieves

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Let’s get started
Sun Tzu wrote a few centuries ago, “All warfare is deception”

  • If you are weak, appear strong
  • If you are not prepared for war, appear prepared
  • If you are organized, appear disorderly
  • You need to SERIOUSLY think outside of the box so much that you can’t even see the box, but remember where it’s at, you’ll need it later.

Grab a pencil & paper
Let’s set the scenario

  • Look at your home like you’ve never seen it before in your life
  • Someone in charge wants to go home to home looking for “excess food
    • It could be FEMA
    • The local police
    • The neighborhood bully
    • The nosy neighbor
    • Family – you can’t pick them
  • There are two types of people
    • Known Preppers
    • Covert Preppers
    • If you’re a known prepper they will insist on seeing your preps
    • Take them to your store house and be friendly about it.
      • Explain in short what “happened”
      • Show them the empty shelves, the broken window (from the outside!) and shoe marks as if someone exited the window
      • For extra points, include an empty pack of cigarettes and some painted graffiti like, “So long and thanks for all the food!”
      • Amazingly! EVERYBODY that you know that preps with you had the EXACT same thing happen to them as well.
      • Remember to use plywood to cover the broken window, and then return your preps.
  • If you are a covert prepper
    • Walk the searcher to where you have a false ceiling
    • When they mention looking for food glance upwards
    • Have a ceiling tile out of place
    • Searcher will see this and demand access – explain it was just knocked out of place by accident
    • When he searches it he will find a box of food and grabs it
    • NOW THE FUN BEGINS
    • You ABSOLUTELY have to believe if they take that food, you are going to die.
      • Your family MUST ABSOLUTELY believe that they will die without that food
      • Women and children MUST cry. This means that your kids must not be privy of the entirety of your preps.
      • Dads and older males MUST become angry to the point of turning red like you’re going to have a stroke. Spittle must fly.
      • You must practice it
      • If you aren’t believable, you just might die.
        • If you have a cavalier attitude then they will think that you have another box of food. If they see the the panic and fear in your eyes it may be enough that they believe they have all of your hopes and dreams.
    • When they walk out with your food, scream “you’re killing us… you’ve signed our death warrants”
    • In reality what they took was a box of outdated food. Don’t put any bulging cans in there as that may cause an unnecessary death.
  • Now the question is… Where is all the food?
    • Look at your home and property as a large warehouse. That’s how most people consider it. Wide open with places to put the food on shelves.
    • Consider the two seasons of “The Colony”. How did the participants arrange their meager supplies?? Just like you, in shelves in plain view
    • What was the FIRST place raiders went to?? The food shelves!
    • What you need to do then is ask yourself, what looks like it belongs, and what would look like it doesn’t belong?
    • Concentrate on making your preps blend in.
      • Whatever you do, IT MUST BLEND IN, IT MUST BELONG
      • #1 rule, take a picture of what you’re doing FIRST, and when you’re finished – take another picture. Compare the two pictures and adjust until the finished product looks like the beginning picture.
  • Consider this:
    • What belongs in a baby’s room?
      • Crib, dresser, stuffed animals, diapers, and wipes.
      • Can’t you remove the stuffing from the animal and put in sealed preps? The kind that is from a seal-a-meal so they are slobber proof?
      • Can’t a few cans of tuna fit into the wipes container after you’ve cut the wipes in half?
      • You have bags of diapers that you put a bag of sugar in, and then diapers on top.
  • What belongs in a hallway?
    • Carpet and walls, right?
    • If you have wall paneling, remove the panel. On an interior wall it’s hollow. Cut a 6 inch by 6 inch square about floor level. At about 5 foot up cut another 6 inch square. Fill that 16 inch gap up with as much food as you can. Be careful what you start with because it will fall down.
    • Move on down past the stud and repeat the process. When the panel length is completed nail the panel up.
  • What belongs in every room?
    • Doors. Most interior doors are hollow. Remove the doors from the frame and using a jigsaw or keyhole saw remove about a 6 inch by 1 inch segment from the top part of the door. Fill with whatever fits. Take a little bit of wood and glue it on the underside of the edge of the door, along the length of it on either side. What your doing is going to give the cut piece something to rest upon so it will close normally. Tack it down with Elmer’s glue, just lightly so it’s easy to remove.
    • This trick also works on apartment doors as well.
  • What belongs in attics?
    • Ceiling insulation and general “stuff’
    • Put preps under the insulation and remove any boards that allow you to walk freely along the joists.
  • What belongs in a crawlspace?
    • Dirt and bugs
    • Dig a 2 foot deep, 18 inches by 36 inch hole in the crawlspace. Put a plastic tote in to the hole, and then place a piece of plywood over the tote. The hole should be deeper than the tote. Over the plywood put all your dirt on top and spread the remainder over the area. Using a darn good seal-a-meal, metal cans, or mason jars will keep bugs out.
    • Place a few items like nails or pipes, etc… to distract them. Put the same items somewhere else under there so it doesn’t look out of place. You’re putting something on top so you can find the stash again.
  • What belongs on a stairway?
    • Carpet! This assumes your stairs/steps have the underside covered.
    • On the rise part of the steps cut a portion of the carpet out.
    • You can use this in two ways
      • For storing silver/gold coins
      • For storing small amounts of food
    • When you cut, cut the bottom part of the rise so you have a flap that falls down naturally.
      • If you can, use the jigsaw to cut a hole in the rise section
    • Don’t make it too big, it has to support your weight still!
    • There may be a gap between the rise sections, so that you could actually put the hole in the 3rd step up, but collect the food at the very bottom step. Test with a marble. You can hear the marble roll down as far as it will.
    • After you fill the section of the stair you want done take a piece of ¼ inch plywood and create a false face of the rise. Tack the carpet down securely and you’re done.

I’ve just shown you how you can hide your preps inside the house. For the outside just use the same concepts.
You too can be a covert prepper with just some creative thought. Throw off those mental shackles that you’ve created over the years like Old Man Marley’s chains from A Christmas Carol. Take them and throw them into the box that you are now thinking out of.
h. Now for the tip of the week
i. The ultimate covert prepper will have at least one of these..
ii. To misquote Shakespeare, Cry Havoc and cut loose the CATS of prepping
iii. Cats are the perfect hunter. Send kitty out after dark to go bring back a rabbit or squirrel. They’ll bring you food right onto your doorstep. Praise the kitty for their hard work and reward them with the head. They eat that for energy.
i. And for your weekly motivation
i.
6. Let’s take some questions from the chat room!

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